What the fuck? I was supposed to go out for lunch with my husband, our first date in seven months, and now he says he doesn’t want to go.

Our one year old daughter has been making strange with everyone since she was 5 months old, and just recently has gotten comfortable with other people. My in laws are visiting, she warmed up to them right away, and they are happy to babysit her while we go out. So yesterday we arranged that we would go out for lunch today. But my husband has been in a bad mood since last night, claiming tiredness, which very well may be, but other people in this house are tired and have gotten little sleep too. Fucking bastard.

I know he’s being moody and withdrawn because his parents are visiting – they inevitably affect him this way. The irony is that he has actually been able to sleep in since they looked after the kids this morning, and since I got up with the kids yesterday morning. We both woke up in the night to look after the kids last night and the night before, and I’m pregnant, so I’m just as sleep deprived, if not more, than him. He’s such a jerk.

He won’t talk to me either. Just says, “I don’t want to talk about it, leave me alone.” I am so done with trying to make this marriage work. What does he think this date was about? Being in the greatest mood ever? Not possible with two young kids. He also claims he is not hungry. Give me a break. This date is not about food. It’s about us spending time alone together out of the house for the first time in over 7 months.

I can’t handle this withdrawn behaviour on top of everything else. If he’s not going to take a prime opportunity for us to try to add at least a little romance back into our lives, I don’t know where we’re going. But here’s the kicker – I feel that I can’t leave him because I’m pregnant and have two little kids. Wouldn’t I just be the stupidest person on the earth to leave now? Plus, I need someone to physically help me with tasks, since I am easily injured when I am pregnant. But I hate living in this apathy zone. But if I try to bring anything up then our house is just full of conflict. And then it’s my fault because I brought it up, not because there’s actually a problem! Fucking hell.

I know I haven’t been easy to live with lately because of my physical limitations due to pregnancy, my tiredness due to pregnancy, and my depression due to pregnancy. But come on. Our first chance to go out and do something slightly fun just the two of us and he’s brushing it off? Cancelling? I really don’t see any love between us right now. And this may be the final blow.

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